Saturday, July 30, 2011


(First, a warning to my readers with delicate sensibilities.  This post is full of lewd jokes and double [even triple!] entendres.  So, if you're made uncomfortable by this kind of talk [DAD], then please look at this instead.  All others please proceed.)

Friends, I have good news and bad news.  The bad first.

The Mariners are trading Doug Fister, whose name has brought me endless joy and jokes, to the Detroit Tigers.

Awww, come on!  Hasn't Detroit been fisted enough?

Now the good news:  In exchange we are picking up Charlie Furbush.  Did you catch that, subtle readers of this subtle blog?  We traded FISTER for FURBUSH.  I guess one in the fist really is worth fur in the bush.

Everyone likes a freshly shaved Furbush.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Buy Me That: Microphone Necklace

Because nothing intoxicates me as much as the amplified sound of my own voice, I must purchase this necklace

"Is this thing on?"

to accompany this shirt, an old favorite that I desperately need to replace now that my outlandish mom bosom has rendered it obscene.

"Oh, yeah.  IT'S ON."

And, as a treat for you readers, here is a picture showing me firmly in my element.  Here I am chaperoning prom in 2008, dominating the stage and soundwaves with my earnest yelling and wearing a totally jackass outfit.  Ah!  The memories!  The years of consistent and endless jackassery!  Beautiful nostalgia, take me away on your ear-splitting wings!

Nothing says "the best night of your high school lives" like this lady right here.  REALLY, REALLY LOUDLY.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Hey, Look II

I like blogging.  I want to keep blogging.  I also like Livy, and I want to protect her privacy and respect her autonomy, such as it is.  So this is going to be much less a mom blog than a blog by a mom.  Sure, I'm going to occasionally write about Liv, but it's kind of embarrassing how much this project became about mediating her experience and making her an object onto which I could project all of my funny mama commentary.  So, less baby exploitation and more personal awesomeness.  And if she ever in the future expresses that she doesn't want to be blogged about, then she'll disappear forever from this blog.  The last thing we want is one of these overexposed critters on our hands:

Enough said.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Bought Me That

This is usually the first thing I see every morning when I wake up.

It's balanced delicately on the windowsill opposite my side of the bed, and it's such a joy to wake up to it backlit by the morning sun.  Yes, it's goofy, but so am I, and I take my inspiration where I can find it.  Find yours here.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Happy Birthday, Olivia Lee!

Mama's little baby is 2 years old!

Day 1

Day 365

Day 730

Happy birthday, sweet biscuit!  Mama and Daddy love you!

Birthday tickles > birthday spankings

Monday, July 04, 2011

Hey, Look...

I'm starting to question the ethics of writing about my daughter online for my own and others' amusement.  Here's why:  She's turning 2 next week.  I can remember my 2nd birthday.  Thus, Livy, to my sick mind, has become her own sentient being and, as such, deserves to live without having her experiences mediated by her sarcastic mother for the delight of a small but awesome audience.  So, the question now is whether to continue this blog without Livy as its focus, whether to make the blog private and continue posting our family and Livy's development for a select group of family and friends, or whether to shut the whole damn thing down and focus on living my life rather than editing it into (hopefully) charming nuggets.

So that's where things are here.  I love the idea of blogging, and I love the attention it demands garners, but this little project can't continue as it currently stands.  So bear with me while I figure this out.  Or don't, seeing as how the figuring might end in a big, fat goose egg.

SLB has just informed me that it's "kinda meta" to blog about blogging.  I have informed him that he is "kinda awesome."  And so are you, kind readers.  So are you.