O.K. I'll stop that now. But, seriously, which of these two ostensibly heterosexually macho movies is the most homoerotic you've ever seen?
1. 1982's Rocky 3, in which Apollo Creed, played by my real dad Carl Weathers, coaches Rocky Balboa, played by John Rambo, to new sweaty, short-shorted, wet, hugging heights.
Yes, it was worth posting twice.
2. 1986's Top Gun, which, in addition to featuring a sweaty, shirtless beach volleyball scene, includes this little gem in which [Trouser] Viper, played by my real mom's pretend boyfriend Tom Skerritt, offers sage advice to a whitey-tightied Maverick in the men's room. You know, how and where your mentors best coach you.
One a penny, two a penny...
So, which is it, Peeps? If Pat Robertson were to settle in for a fine Saturday afternoon of cinema on TNT, which would he be more likely to preach against on Sunday morning?