Friday, March 19, 2010

Special Guest Star: Uncle Damon!

I've decided that on Fridays I'll try to feature a special guest star on the Me Show, not so much to show appreciation for the people I love but rather to show off my vast menagerie of followers and groupies.  In fact, our inaugural special guest star used to go by the name "Lackey" because that's what he was and always will be to me.  This is my longtime friend and maid of honor; SLB's law brother; and Livy's honorary uncle, Damon.

That's 6' 6" of lanky Greek lawyer, friends.  Shield your eyes, Livy!  Look away!

Damon and I have been friends since our junior year of college where we met as coworkers in the English Department Writing Center.  The first day we met we were making small talk when we realized that we were both headed up to Bellingham that night, he to visit a friend and me to visit SLB.  So, I bummed a ride and during 2+ hours of constant chatter on the drive we became fast friends.  It's a good thing, too, because apparently we were fated to know each other.  His friend was actually already friends with SLB, a fact that we discovered during the drive, and we were both in the same honors seminar the next semester in addition to working together.  Thank God we got along, because otherwise, with our shared penchant for spite and antagonism, we'd have destroyed each other and taken many good people with us.

Uncle Damon Fun Facts!

*He is the tallest person I know, and when we walk down the street together we have a hard time maintaining conversation because I can't hear him all the way up there and he can't hear me all the way down here.  This is roughly what we look like, except that I am FAR prettier than Billy Crystal and everyone else:

*Damon has seen me pee dozens of times (One time on the roof of a car!), whereas I have never - NOT ONCE! - peed in front of SLB and I never - NOT ONCE! - will.  It's a dubious honor, but an honor nonetheless.

*He introduced me to The Clash, my favoritest band EVER, for which I will be eternally grateful.

*I used to eat off of his parent-funded meal plan when I was a starving student (Thanks, Peter and Betty!).  My usual snack of choice from the Husky Union Building: Jell-O.

*He is one of the smartest people I know.

*I've been in two film projects he's spearheaded, and he works ego-stroking shout-outs to me in his fiction.

*When ordering in a restaurant, if there's a turkey burger on the menu he will ALWAYS order it.

*Damon once kicked me out of his apartment for farting.

*During college he used to show up in the middle of the night with our friend Anthony at my basement bedroom window completely trashed.  They'd wake me up screaming obsceneties and pounding on my window demanding that I - what? - get up and watch them be drunk?  The exact purpose of this exercise remains lost in an alcoholic vapor.  One night Damon vomited in our neighbors' flower boxes and then drunkenly rolled down our sloped front yard with a resounding smack of size infinity Birkenstocks on the sidewalk below.  It remains one of my favorite memories of our friendship.

*He does not like being asymmetrical.  He won't wear a watch, and if you tug on one of his sleeves he has to tug on the other to even out.  It makes him very angry when you do this.  It is unfailingly hilarious.

*He is marrying Katie, his awesome fiancee, the day before our 7th anniversary.  Katie is a super genius, is really funny, and is super hot.  We don't know what happened in her childhood to make her marry so far beneath her, but we're grateful for whatever it was.  She looks like this:

All this AND a JD.

*He loves Olivia Lee.

Testing the security of the child-proof cap.

Only the best uncles share their meds with you...

1 comment:

Balloons For Jen said...

You always make me smile