Clearly It's Time to Invest in Pearls

I am turning into Donna Reed.

Exhibit A:  Yesterday I thought to myself how good Olivia's new diaper rash cream smells.  It really is a lovely scent - something like a gentle floral mixed with the astringent sweetness of green tea.  Then I recalled that her organic diaper cream smells even better but doesn't work as well and that the name brand cream works the best but smells the worst.  Yes, friends.  I am now a connoisseur of ass cream to such an extent that I can compare them and form educated opinions based on efficacy and aesthetics.  Ass cream, I have mastered your nuances!

Exhibit B:  A while back after Olivia sent all of my sweatshirts down to the laundry with various combinations of spit up, drool, and snot, I considered wearing an apron all day to protect my clothing.  But then I realized that I needed an apron with sleeves.  Yes!  That's it!  I would invent an apron with sleeves specifically for babycare and housework!  Then it dawned on me that I had reinvented the housecoat, AND I WANTED ONE.