2. You know what's badass? Not risking ruining the risotto by leaving the stove to go upstairs to get a Band-Aid and instead improvising a bandage using only a paper towel and a rubber band.
Thumb's up, MacGyver-style.
3. What's stupid AND badass? Dying of lockjaw because you're too chicken to have ever gotten a Tetanus shot and grated your thumb and made your own filthy kitchen bandage in order to ensure a perfect plate of risotto.
It was really delicious.
And that image in the Venn Diagram I mentioned earlier. It's this one, obviously.