Wednesday, June 16, 2010


Money can't buy you love, but it sure as hell can buy you distraction.  When I'm sad, I shop.  When I'm sad and preparing to be in Uncle Damon and Auntie Katie's wedding in September, I shop for knee-length black dresses.

Thoughts?  Recommendations?  Join me on this journey through little black dresses, won't you?

First up, sassy one-shouldered Grecian thingie:

Pros: The banded waist nurtures the illusion that I have any variation in my measurements whatsoever, and asymmetry makes me happy.

Cons:  Can this thing really stand up to the ol' Circus Tits?  I think I know who'll win this battle, and it's not the dress.

Next, by the same designer (actually, all of these are Maggy London), a festive sarong dress:

Pros:  Again, this little number will give me the waist and hips that God didn't, and the straps are wide enough to possibly accommodate a real bra.

Cons:  I can't really think of any.  That's a good sign.

Finally, we have what I am loving referring to as the Joan Holloway little black dress:

Pros:  IT'S A JOAN HOLLOWAY DRESS.  What more do I really need to say?  Plus, it looks as if it can accommodate a real bra, and the asymmetry both makes me happy and detracts from my sad waistlessness.

Cons:  I can't quite tell how it fits.  It's a bit loose on the model, and it'd certainly be a lot tighter on me if only so that I could emphasize the bootyliciousness of the dress and my ample hiney.  The back of the dress runs the real risk of exposing the dreaded back rolls if I wear a real bra with it, which would be obvious to everyone since I'm last in line on the bride's side and will be likely be standing with my back to the guests for the whole ceremony.  I don't mind being the chubby bridesmaid, but DAMN I don't need strangers having intimate knowledge of the quantity and quality of my back fat.  So, it's worth trying on, but I'll be a brave girl if it's less flattering on my body than it is in my mind.

There you go!  Weigh in, fashionistas!


Francine said...

#1 is too long, #2 has that slit which demands you sit like a lady. #3 is my choice for sure... i like the fabric's sheen and the formal styling/shape... and the little ruffle detail :) if youre fearing bumps and lines try something like this! ruching is your friend.

Christina said...

what do we think of this? does it look too much like a Real Housewife would wear it?

but THIS, this might be it.

this is fun, too...

danicalynn said...

I think it would be awesome to see the circus tits battle the first black dress.

danicalynn said...

I really like #2.

I'll keep my peepers out for black dresses. Do you ever shop at Might not be appropriate for a bm dress, but the site has a great selection of Joan dresses.

Francine said...

the tadashi is gorgie! is the bride having you all choose your own dresses? keep us informed on what you end up getting!